10.1 ~ #17

"A Clockwork Orange" (1971)



From Netflix: "In this Stanley Kubrick classic based on Anthony Burgess's novel, teenage miscreant Alex DeLarge (Malcolm McDowell) wanders aimlessly amid a bleak, futuristic urban landscape, drinking drugged milk and listening to Beethoven with his fellow "droogs." But he also spends his time stealing, raping and beating innocent people in nihilistic orgies of violence, all in an attempt to get his nightly kicks."

The opening scene is BEAUTIFUL, visually at least.

Is the dubbing REALLY off, or is it just my internet connection?

Well isn't that lovely? A beating 4 minutes in, and a rape 6 minutes in.

ok, turns out it WAS my internet connection LOL

(in case you haven't caught on, I'm writing as I watch, if only to make this more tolerable. I have absolutely no motivation to watch this film, and have actually been actively avoiding it.)

Less than 15 minutes in and I'm generally repulsed with myself for allowing myself to continue to watch thus far...

wow it's ridiculous how poorly Netflix streams this movie. That paired with how little I want to watch is making it very difficult to force myself to continue watching...

and a CONSENSUAL threesome less than thirty minutes in. So far, smut for the sake of smut.

"Api-poli-logies"? British people have the weirdest slang...Why bother making a slang term for something if it's just going to be longer or otherwise more difficult to spit out than the regular word?

Alright, props to me. I got through 45 minutes of it with awful lag and crap, well, everything (even WITH the giant penis statue). I suppose it's not fair to judge the whole 130 minute film on the first 45 minutes, but if I had to, I would say 100% utter crap. Perhaps I'll give it a chance again at a later date and under different circumstances, but certainly for now, I've had enough.

:signing off:

2.3 ~ #2 (please watch film before reading review, may contain spoilers)

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

From Netflix: "Stanley Kubrick's quiet masterpiece probes the mysteries of space and human destiny. While investigating the appearance of mysterious monoliths throughout the universe, astronauts David (Keir Dullea) and Frank (Gary Lockwood) battle their ship's intelligent computer, HAL-9000. This epic sci-fi drama based on Arthur C. Clarke's story "The Sentinel" was nominated for four Academy Awards and won for its stunning special effects."

Ok, first thing I have to say is that I have had SUCH a hard time trying to motivate myself to watch this film. It weren't for the fact that I am dedicated to this project and doing it properly, I would SO skip this one. ugh. It seems like such a BOY movie LOL.

First impression: So THAT'S where that classic sci-fi music comes from! LOL

Second impression: Holy Ghost! It's 2 and a half hours long?!

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(BTW, I had a moment of clarity in the shower earlier. Everyone says 'oh god!' or 'jesus christ!' when they want to exclaim, but the holy ghost gets no play. let's hear it one time for the holy spirit, y'all!)

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-7 minutes in: is this all going to be animals attacking each other? :yawn:

-8 minutes in: people in gorilla suits = FAIL. I could play a better gorilla and I have no formal gorilla training.

-12 minutes in: PLEASE can I just shut this off and PRETEND I watched it?!

-13 minutes in: There's that MUSIC again!

-15 minutes in: Holy Ghost, help me. This fucking blows.

-16 minutes in: Dude, this movie IS all about animals attacking each other...

-19 minutes in: A person!

-23 minutes in: WOW! SOMEONE SPOKE! A SOUND OTHER THAN INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC AND ANIMAL GRUNTS WAS JUST HEARD!


ok, you get my drift. I am not AT ALL interested in this type of stuff. Stanley Kubrick is a genius and all that, but...no. This is just not my bag. Great use of music to convey emotion, though.

-Cool furniture, too.

(idk if you've caught on, but I'm writing as I watch...I shall continue for the next 2 hours because, well, that's how long is left in the movie and I'm trying to maintain my sanity here.)

-They use A LOT of music in this film. Like, in place of dialogue. Interesting...

-LOL. the photos they're looking through say "DAYUM" at the bottom. Late 60s ebonics?

-In the coming weeks, I'm going to have to watch ANOTHER Kubrick classic, "A Clockwork Orange". It's supposed to be disturbing as hell. Have I mentioned I am VERY not looking forward to that one?

-GREAT camera angles. Truly. and I know I've already said it, but this film makes GREAT use of music to set moods.

-Crap. Turns out there's a THIRD Kubrick movie on the list, Dr. Strangelove. Can I handle THREE of this man's films? I've only ever seen The Shining, and I thought was great, but I've heard A LOT about how disturbed this guy was.

-HOLY GHOST! A FOURTH?! Full Metal Jacket is also a Kubrick film. sonofabitch.

ok, ok. back to the movie (I paused it this whole time to my research...WHAT?!)

-Oh, wow. I'm sorry. 51 minutes in: "smile for the camera with the weird black wall chunk" LMAO that hand motion ("get in a little closer") KILLED me!

-These grunting, guttural sounds that are serving as music right now are driving me batshit. Oh wait, now there's a remarkably high pitched 30 second whistle. Lovely.

-an hour and half left EXACTLY. shoot me.

-54 minutes in: GREAT fucking shots. This whole minute is GORGEOUS.

-that HAL9000 computer sounds terrifying. Both it's voice, and the very idea of it. that's the last I'll speak about that, because I don't know if it has anything to do with the rest of the plot, but I imagine it must.

-68 minutes in: ANOTHER remarkable shot. The cinematography is amazing, even if the story is really not holding my attention...

-77 minutes in: ok, this is starting to get creepy.

-79 minutes in: SUPERcreepy.

-87 minutes in: INSANE!

-92 minutes in: it looks like these effects are being done with Legos. The movie is over 40 years old, so...forgiven.

MORAL OF THE STORY: TECHNOLOGY WILL KILL US ALL. (at least, that's what I gather with 45 minutes left in the film.)

-97 minutes in: WOW.

104 minutes in: this movie TOTALLY reminds me of that "Portal" video game...there is no cake! The cake is a lie! LOL

111 minutes in: wow. it's all starting to make sense.

112 minutes in: that fucking groaning again. I wish it would stop.

116 minutes in: SO confused. I feel like I'm looking at an old school screensaver.

122 minutes in: WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!? When will it end?!

126 minutes in: that....was a 15 minute screensaver. why, oh why? That was excruciating. oh and now I'm REALLY fucking confused.

127 minutes in: terrified.

ok, MORAL OF THE STORY: Stanley Kubrick was a NUT. He was a complete fucking creep. The end.

When the credits began, I said out loud, "YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING!!! REALLY?!" Mind you, not "really?" like "wow, seriously?" but "really?" like "you've got to be SHITTING me that I waited all this time for THAT!"

I guess I should say something about how humankind relies on technology too much, and it's going to lead to the end of our humanity, etc. etc. But I'm too fucking annoyed at the thought that I spent 2 and a half hours of my life on this to give a crap right now.

In short, besides the cinematography, I don't understand why ANYONE would want to watch this film, let alone why people think it's so phenomenal. Then again, the only people I got reviews from (all of which were good) were men, and men like some weird things, don't they? Hmm...let's chalk this up to "well, at least I can say I've seen it."

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And with this, the second week of the project is complete, the first week of movie watching and reviewing is in the books, so to speak, and we can look forward to next week, when I'll be watching these movies, among others:

#3: "Akira"
#4: "Aliens"
DOTW: "Live Nude Girls Unite"

BTW, I would love if people watched the movies along with me, even if it's just the ones you haven't already seen, not just so I can speak candidly without worrying about spoilers, but so we can discuss! :)

Thanks! "See" you next week!

-D